A nurse has denied she had only cried for herself during her murder trial rather than the babies she allegedly attacked.
On Wednesday, a tearful Lucy Letby denied deliberately harming numerous infants while on duty at the Countess of Chester Hospitalâs neonatal unit.
She later denied prosecutor Nick Johnson KCâs suggestion that she had wept at Manchester Crown Court when talking about herself but not her 17 alleged victims.
The 33-year-old is alleged to have murdered seven babies and attempted to murder 10 others between June 2015 and June 2016.
She said: âI was being isolated and expected to lie about things that were going on. I had to pretend that I wanted to leave the unit and wanted to work in a different area.â
Letby launched a grievance procedure against her employers in September 2016, the court has heard.
She said: âAt this point I didnât know what to do. It was having a massive impact on all aspects of my life.
âIt was emotionally very difficult. I was lonely, I was worried, I didnât know what was going on.â
She said it was âdevastatingâ when she learned of allegations that she had harmed children in her care.
Letby told the court: âIt was beyond comprehension, I couldnât understand how it was happening.â
Mr Myers asked: âCould you cope with it?â
Letby said: âNo.
Mr Myers said: âHad you done anything to hurt anybody?â
âNo,â said Letby.
Mr Myers said: âIs there any truth in the allegations that you deliberately harmed babies?â
Wiping away tears with her hand, Letby said: âNo.â
Mr Myers said: âOr intended to kill them?
âNo,â repeated Letby.
Cross-examining, prosecutor Mr Johnson asked her: âIs there any reason why you cry when you talk about yourself and do not cry when you talk about the dead and seriously injured children?â
The court has heard a total of 257 nursing shift handover sheets, containing some of the names of her alleged victims, were found during police searches following her arrest in July 2018.
She agreed with Mr Johnson that taking such sheets out of the hospital was not ânormal practiceâ and they should be discarded in confidential waste.
Mr Johnson asked: âWhat is normal practice?
Letby said: âTo dispose of them but there are times when they have come home with me in my pocket.â
Mr Johnson said: âThere are times when you have taken them.â
Letby said: âNot with the intention of keeping them.â
Mr Johnson said: âWhat are your responsibilities with sensitive, personal data?â
Letby replied: âTo keep it confidential.â
Mr Johnson said: âWhat would have happened in a disciplinary sense if the hospital management knew you had 250-odd handover sheets at home?â
Letby said: âI canât answer that. I donât know what the policy would be.â
Mr Johnson said: âYouâre not bothered are you?
Letby said: âItâs not that Iâm not bothered. They were at my home address but they were still held in confidence.â
Mr Johnson said: âWhat, in a bin bag in your garage?â
Letby said: âIâm the only person that lives at the property, so yes.â
Asked about a number of handover sheets found at her parentsâ house in Hereford, she said her parents did not enter her bedroom.
Mr Johnson said: âThey are not held in confidence, are they?â
Letby said: âI donât believe anybody would have looked at them.â
Mr Johnson asked: âDo you obey the rules only when it suits you?â
âNo,â said Letby.
Mr Johnson said: âYou like telling other people what to do but you donât quite live up to those standards yourself, do you?â
Letby said: âNo.â
The cross-examination of Letby will continue on Thursday.
She denies all the allegations.